Posts tagged Dina Lohan

The Daily “OMG! Grosstastic Celebrity Awkwardness” Update

July 31, 2008 · Filed under Awkward Clothing, Celebrity Awkwardness, Celebrity Gossip, FAIL, Gross · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Glad to see you have tuned in again to get your necessary goss about trashy celebs. Today seems to be a pretty slow day, but I have done my best research from all the most reliable sources to provide you with the indulgent information that you so desperately need.

 

Rachel Bilson: Usually this used-to-be star dresses well and has that whole urban chic thing down pat, but the earthquake must have addled her brain. Rachel “I haven’t done anything since the OC” Bilson has been spotted wearing x-treme fugly factor shoes. They are WORSE than ankle booties, and I didn’t think anything could beat the elf shoes. Here’s the NARSTYMETER breakdown:

1. They are baby shizz brown.

2. They generate cankles! You know how I feel about those. *Shiver*

3. WTF

4. It looks like she is wearing some effed up cast/brace. Hypochondriac. She is just trying to get attention.

5. SHE PAIRED THEM WITH CAPRIS! Dudeeee. Bad choice. If you INSIST on wearing them, at least hide them under pants or go all the way and wear shorts or a short skirt/dress. Go big or go home.

FAIL!

Ali Lohan: Lindsay “I no longer love men?” Lohan’s little sister Ali almost qualifies for the sought after title of baby prostitute. For real folks. Well, we can’t quite call her a baby prostitute because she is 14 going on 39. Apparently, Ali tried out for a movie, but unbeknownst to her, the director was none other than Peter Davy whose main gig is to make pornos.

I have a VERY hard time believing DINAsaur didn’t know who this dude was. She whores out her children as it is, so this just seems the logical next step in her plan to conquer the universe and have it called WEALLLOVEDINALOHANWORLD. I think I just puked a little bit.

Mischa Barton: Speaking of other OC has-beens, Mischa Barton stole a crochet project from some old lady in a nursing home, and tried to pass it off as a bathing suit. What a bitch. And she doesn’t even pull it off. She looks like she is wearing a diaper with strings attached. No wonder her agent dumped her azzz a few days ago besides the fact that she has no talent, and will fade in to Z-list oblivion, never to surface again until a magazine does a “Where Are They Now?” special.

Ed Westwick: There is nothing more awkward than a tight pair of lilac pants on a dude. I mean, take a look at those grown men in the back giggling at our dear Eddy. He can’t help it. His brain just functions under one category: UGLY. Look at his face. Case in point!

Christina Aguilera: What has our favorite Dirrty music sensation been up to recently? Well after she popped out her kid, who we rarely see btw, she has been doing various ads, and this week she did some coked out shoot. She looks like a zombie. Or a mixture of that chick from The Hills who has ceiling eyes, and Amy Winehouse with blonde hair after being electrocuted. Now that’s terrifying.

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Top 5 Awkward Celebrities!

July 18, 2008 · Filed under Celebrity Gossip, Creepy Dads, Gross · Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Everyone loves a little trashy celebrity gossip so in honor of this fact, I present you with the Top 5 Awkward Celebrities:

1. Michael Jackson: Doesn’t really need an explanation but here’s a quick rundown. Has been charged multiple times with pedophilia, was acquitted in spite of overwhelming evidence (owned and lived at his own damn amusement park called “Neverland Ranch”! You can’t make this stuff up.) His nose has been falling off for years, has permanent makeup tattooed on his face, evidently decided to switch races, speaks in a soft little-girl voice, once dangled his own child (whose name is BLANKET) off a hotel balcony…etc etc. You get the picture.


2. Tom Cruise: Used to be hot but couldn’t suppress the awkward. It always comes out eventually. It all started when he decided to fire his manager in 2005 and began speaking for himself in public. This is never a good idea. His derisive devotion to Scientology, his visible brainwashing of Katie Holmes, and his constant wearing of platform shoes to mask his short-guy syndrome have combined to bring Tom from hot to…friggin weird.

3. Lindsay Lohan and her family: Truly an awkward mess. It didn’t have to be this way. Lindsay showed so much promise early in her acting career with such films as “The Parent Trap.” Unfortunately, she hit her peak with 2004’s “Mean Girls,” since which she has become a tabloid staple due to the following: being a slut/alcoholic/drug addict, getting arrested, spending time in rehab (thrice times), and so on. Her family hasn’t helped matters, either. Her mother is a ridiculous ex-cokeslut who is currently whoring out Lindsay’s younger sister Ali on an E! reality show. Her father was in jail for awhile and upon being released declared himself an ordained minister, yet constantly talks smack to the press about Lindsay’s personal life and his divorce from Lindsay’s mother. Recently, a woman has come forward alleging that Michael Lohan is the real father of her now 13 year old daughter, who looks exactly like him. It never ends with these people. 

4. Jessica Simpson and her dad: Basically, Jessica might have turned out ok if it weren’t for her dad. His comment to Rolling Stone magazine a few years back, referring to Jessica’s boobs, “she’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!” is the most awkward/gross/uncomfortable statement ever made by a father about his own daughter. Allegations that Papa Joe meddles with Jessica’s romantic relationships are unsurprising and further add the squickiness of this family.

5. Miley Cyrus and her dad: Seriously, WTF?! The girl is only 15 and she’s half-naked on the cover of Vanity Fair, looking like she just came out of a damn child brothel?! And then there’s the picture of her and her dad, with Miley laying across Billy Ray’s crotch with her shirt hiked up to her midriff, both of them looking tired yet satisfied from some forbidden father-daughter activity…it just doesn’t get much more awkward than that. GROSS.

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