Everyone loves a little trashy celebrity gossip so in honor of this fact, I present you with the Top 5 Awkward Celebrities:
1. Michael Jackson: Doesn’t really need an explanation but here’s a quick rundown. Has been charged multiple times with pedophilia, was acquitted in spite of overwhelming evidence (owned and lived at his own damn amusement park called “Neverland Ranch”! You can’t make this stuff up.) His nose has been falling off for years, has permanent makeup tattooed on his face, evidently decided to switch races, speaks in a soft little-girl voice, once dangled his own child (whose name is BLANKET) off a hotel balcony…etc etc. You get the picture.
2. Tom Cruise: Used to be hot but couldn’t suppress the awkward. It always comes out eventually. It all started when he decided to fire his manager in 2005 and began speaking for himself in public. This is never a good idea. His derisive devotion to Scientology, his visible brainwashing of Katie Holmes, and his constant wearing of platform shoes to mask his short-guy syndrome have combined to bring Tom from hot to…friggin weird.
3. Lindsay Lohan and her family: Truly an awkward mess. It didn’t have to be this way. Lindsay showed so much promise early in her acting career with such films as “The Parent Trap.” Unfortunately, she hit her peak with 2004’s “Mean Girls,” since which she has become a tabloid staple due to the following: being a slut/alcoholic/drug addict, getting arrested, spending time in rehab (thrice times), and so on. Her family hasn’t helped matters, either. Her mother is a ridiculous ex-cokeslut who is currently whoring out Lindsay’s younger sister Ali on an E! reality show. Her father was in jail for awhile and upon being released declared himself an ordained minister, yet constantly talks smack to the press about Lindsay’s personal life and his divorce from Lindsay’s mother. Recently, a woman has come forward alleging that Michael Lohan is the real father of her now 13 year old daughter, who looks exactly like him. It never ends with these people.
4. Jessica Simpson and her dad: Basically, Jessica might have turned out ok if it weren’t for her dad. His comment to Rolling Stone magazine a few years back, referring to Jessica’s boobs, “she’s got double D’s! You can’t cover those suckers up!” is the most awkward/gross/uncomfortable statement ever made by a father about his own daughter. Allegations that Papa Joe meddles with Jessica’s romantic relationships are unsurprising and further add the squickiness of this family.
5. Miley Cyrus and her dad: Seriously, WTF?! The girl is only 15 and she’s half-naked on the cover of Vanity Fair, looking like she just came out of a damn child brothel?! And then there’s the picture of her and her dad, with Miley laying across Billy Ray’s crotch with her shirt hiked up to her midriff, both of them looking tired yet satisfied from some forbidden father-daughter activity…it just doesn’t get much more awkward than that. GROSS.
Le Awkward Turtle 