Yeah, I totally wasn’t going to write a post today because I’m all agitated and distracted thinking about important stuff, but I don’t want to leave you hanging without the celeb update. How would you go about your day not knowing the latest scoop?! It’s a mystery to me as well. You would have nothing to make you feel better about yourself, and consequently would go home and eat 5 Boston creme donuts in one sitting. Obesity happens because people don’t read enough trashy magazines, or celeb updates. PWHOAR! I’m the next Plato with statements like that! Anyways, bring the celebNESS on!
Miley Cyrus: Suprisingly, no leaked photos today. Although, now that I said that, there will probably be like 10 naked pictures that will leak in an hour. But anyways, Miley makes the daily awkward update because of a particular fashion choice and pose during the 2008 Teen Choice Awards. Take a look at those atrocious overalls. Stop fooling yourself and everyone Miley. Don’t pretend to be a little innocent kid. We all know you are a skanky tween. Take pride in your sluttiness a la Lindsay Lohan. Your pose totally reveals your true self. That’s probably the stance your next MyWhore picture will be. Except lying down and in lingerie that BillyGoat bought for you.
I’m grossing myself out.
Josh Duhamel and Jerry O’Connell: Nothing like awkward straight man love. I bet they are heterosexual life mates. I can cut that tension with a butter knife!
Lil Mama: I am quickly realizing that this post is focusing completely on the Pimple Awards again. They should hand out big zits as the prize. But really, teen events just present so much awkwardness it’s unbelievable. Go check out a middle school and high school dance now. Brutal. Speaking of brutal, check out Lil Mama’s outfit for the red carpet. WTF. It looks like she is trying to channel Lil Bo Peep. I understand that they both have the Lil in common, but so does Lil Bow Wow and Lil Romeo, and you don’t see them dressing up like fairy tale characters! This is rough look. It makes me cringe and my palms sweat just to think that she thought this was a hott outfit. More likely though, she knows she is a nobody, and wore this to get on the Worst Dressed Lists just for attention. Mischa Barton went through that phase, and it got her nowhere. Hell, she’s still going through that phase.
Pink: You know what’s awkward? When couples look the same, or share the same hairdo, like Pink and her loverboy. Or ex-loverboy. They clearly go for salon dates, and style each others hair in the morning. It’s as awkward as Pete Wentz’s confession that if he is wearing cool clothes, they are probably Ashlee’s. Dude. WEAR MAN CLOTHES. No wonder he looks like a twit all the time.
And Pink darling, where did the rest of your shorts go? Short shorts are hott, but not when your ass is hanging out. Awkward turtleee. Let’s hope her lover doesn’t pull a Pete and borrow them.
Le Awkward Turtle 